How to do your own thing without regrets

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When you think of the word “marriage”, it is inevitable that more than one cliché will come to mind. Maybe you see a ruffled white princess dress or a pointy tuxedo, surrounded by a line of pastel-clad bridesmaids and matching groomsmen. You could imagine a cream colored tiered cake with elaborate frosting. Not to mention roses, of course, always roses. And while we celebrate all of the above (they’re classics for a reason), sometimes a cookie-cutter wedding doesn’t resonate with your view of yourself. After all, aren’t weddings, at their core, just a celebration of love in its many forms?

Personally, wedding parties have always been a sticking point for me. Without sisters (and three brothers) and a host of friends from different stages of life – all of whom are equally important to me – the thought of categorizing loved ones to create the perfect wedding party always fills me with anxiety. And I am not alone. For many couples, a single wedding tradition is not for everyone. Maybe you are addicted to color and want to explore your fashion options. Maybe you’ve always dreamed of having an intimate wedding with a narrow guest list (sorry, distant uncles you see once a year). Or, you are tempted to forget the whole ceremony in favor of a champagne dance party with all your friends.

Whatever your tastes, more than ever, couples are shedding conventions and listening to their inner voices. Well, after more than a year of delays, changes and impromptu celebrations, the pressure is released. It’s about making yourself and not having any regrets.

That being said, it can take a bit of work to get to know (and adopt) your personal style on D-Day. Going forward, we’ve compiled ideas from planners, experts, and couples who’ve been through it themselves to help you do your own thing with no regrets this year and beyond.

Put things in perspective

The main thing to keep in mind is that it is your wedding. While societal (and let’s be honest, family) expectations may get the upper hand in the moment, it’s essential to remind yourself that your feelings are valid every step of the way. In fact, the married people I have typed in my circle echoed a similar sentiment. While there are always variables you can’t plan – one referred to a rogue DJ, another to a clothing-making disaster – what I heard time and time again was regret. shared to let external opinions prevail over theirs.

Samm blake


In fact, the unpredictability of the past year has accelerated the tendency to throw out the “must-haves” and “popular opinion” out of the window. Wedding planning in 2021 isn’t just the chaos and hubs of the ceremony (although there is a bit of it) – it forces many couples to take a long and serious look at their plans, and in some cases, to find the heart of who they really are. and what they really want. Wedding planner Victoria Holland, owner of Victoria Ann Events, says it simply, “We have always encouraged our couples to organize a wedding that is truly theirs, but this year I have noticed that couples are more enthusiastic and willing to really do what they want to do!” “

Forget the checklist

As mentioned earlier, the hardest, but most essential part of doing your own thing is ignoring the influences that don’t look right on you. Like Roxanne Bellamy, Founder and Senior Planner of Roxanne Bellamy & Co., explains: “I encourage my clients to get rid of the safeguards and“ popular opinions ”that accompany traditions or“ must-haves ”for their wedding. Often the most memorable wedding moments, for guests and couples alike, are the ones that break the mold.

“The best advice I can give is to embrace who you are, as a couple, and have a wedding filled with nods to your personality, your culture and your hobbies,” he adds. she. No detail is too small! After all, your wedding guests are loved ones, friends and family, so if an original wedding choice is right for you, they are bound to adopt it (eventually). As Charles Dieujuste, Creative Director of Scorcesa notes, “Life is too precious to be overtaken by the opinions of others.

Jami Laree Jeskey / Trevor Akanger / Design by Cristina Cianci


Find your inspiration

So you’ve decided to show your personality and avoid traditions that don’t suit you. But how? Leave it to the experts to have some tips for effective brainstorming and getting wedding ideas around. Bellamy recommends the mood board to get a feel for your style. And, while creating a Pinterest board is a time-honored wedding tradition at this point, it’s important to note that inspiration can come from anywhere. You shouldn’t limit yourself to venue inspiration and the descent of a wedding TikTok rabbit hole (though they both have their place).

Whether it’s a vintage family photo or an architectural detail of your forever vacation spot, identifying images, objects and items that you love in everyday life often leads to questions. stellar ideas. Plus, putting it all together (seriously, we can’t recommend Pinterest highly enough) might give you a glimpse of an unexpected color scheme or quirky dress code for the guests (wedding with flowers only, anyone? ) to support your vision.

Get weird with it

Rach loves Troy


Embrace the unexpected and jump into your ideas from the start. There is no need to fetter your imagination when brainstorming. The more you refine your vision, the more exciting (and faithful to you) the details of the wedding will be. You can always ditch your wackiest plans when budgeting for the big day. While channeling your intuition, the sky is the limit. But that doesn’t mean it has to break your budget, either. Unique ideas aren’t always expensive – a simple setting in your favorite natural spot, a heartwarming family moment during the ceremony (we love both parents’ tendency to walk a bride or groom down the aisle), and even a choice bold styling like a pantsuit for bridesmaids can help you personalize your ceremony. And, wedding planners agree.

“Some honor family members while others celebrate the coming together of step families,” says Bellamy, noting that non-traditional ceremonies are often the ultimate heartbreak (in a good way). Intimate places are also on the rise. A moment in the backyard is often just as “romantic and dreamy” as an opulent place, says Stephanie White, Creative Director for Odylyne the ceremony.

As for the area of ​​style? “Voluminous dresses are a thing of the past. Brides give up wearing the veil in exchange for trendy headdresses,” explains Dieujuste. What about tables and registers? “There are endless great options out there, so why stick with the traditional? I suggest signing up for some distinctive pieces, selecting both versatile pieces that are easy to combine in many ways and a few standout pieces (glassware, dessert plates, vases) that will really make the table stand out from others, ”says Federika Longinotti Buitoni, founder of Collecto.

Stepan Vrzala


If you want to get creative with your event experience, putting your own twist on a classic wedding menu is another great option. “Fancy some Jamaican rum?” Let’s incorporate a tasting flight into your cocktail. Spend your weekends trying out all the new restaurants in your town? Let’s create an enticing tasting menu for dinner instead of a traditional dinner menu, ”says Bellamy. Breaks with tradition don’t have to be mind-blowing to be exciting, and fun challenges often lead to better wedding design.

Trust your instincts

No one wants to live with marriage regrets. Whether it’s a missed photoshoot or saying “yes” to a dress that doesn’t feel quite That’s right, the best way to get out of this and stay true to yourself is to listen to your instincts. While no one wants to be known as a bridezilla, you also don’t want to end up with a million things that you wish you had done differently. And, when all else fails, the fugue is still on the table. As one groom I spoke to said, “I wish I booked anything; we should have run away.”

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